breathedout | 2018 & 2019 life reflections (Reply)

I wrote up writing- and reading-related reflections-and-goals posts, and then I realized... there is also everything else in my life! So I guess I should do a reflections & goals post about that stuff, too.

Work

I started 2018 with one promotion, and I ended it with (kind of) another, although really the second was just the logical extension of the first: since my putative supervisor left in early 2018, and when her supervisor was hired I was acting more in a supervisory capacity to that person than they were to me, this second promotion is, more than anything, an acknowledgement of the job I've actually been doing all year. Nonetheless! The facts that it (a) comes with a hefty raise and (b) was suggested, without my prompting, by my supposed replacement supervisor, definitely feel good. The raise in particular leaves me kind of—I think this is the first time in my adult life when I've had more money than I absolutely need to meet my expenses, paycheck to paycheck? Which feels… weird, but good.

There is a LOT that still remains to be done in this new position, though. One of my big goals for 2018 was to get professional certification in my field: a goal I progressed toward, but didn't actually accomplish. I took a certification class, and realized in the process that there's a lot of studying I need to do before I take the test. So my current goal is to make flashcards based on the course curricula in the next few weeks, set aside time for studying in the months following, and then take the test sometime in July or August. Coincidentally, this will also work out well with my org's professional development stipends, since the 2018 stipend covered the cost of the class and the 2019 stipend can cover the cost of the test.

I also have a number of internal goals to the organization for my position for 2019, but I won't outline them here. Suffice to say, the creation of my position was IMMEDIATELY UTILIZED in 2018 in a way I didn't totally expect; and it's made very clear a number of organizational needs. It works out well that part of my job is actually the creation of tools to capture all this, which I spent good portions of November and December working on; so overall I feel like I'm in a good place to start the year.

Yoga

Yoga in 2018 was a sort of up-and-down prospect. Before & shortly after moving to the Bay, I did a ton of research about potential yoga studios, and was surprised to find that studios with intermediate to advanced early-morning classes were few and far between (by contrast, in LA they're so easy to find as to be taken for granted). After auditioning a couple of classes, I decided to join a Mysore Ashtanga studio (Ashtanga = a set sequence of poses, which the practitioner memorizes and repeats on each practice; Mysore = the practice proceeds in silence, with each individual practitioner arriving in their own time and starting the sequence when they arrive or are ready.) While it lasted, it was great! I made a lot of progress on poses I had previously considered outside my ability, and just in general felt like I was entering into yoga as serious study in a way I hadn't, before.

Sadly for me, though gladly for her, my new teacher was pregnant, and gave birth in June. I then took stewardship of the physical studio for the summer, opening the studio most mornings in the hope that my teacher would come back from maternity leave and resume her previous schedule. But: no dice. As it turned out, she only came back in a very limited capacity; and in the meantime, I found it very difficult to motivate myself to show up for practice when like as not I would be the only person practicing. I missed having a teacher, and as the summer and fall went on, I also missed having a regular practice, since more and more I wasn't staying after I unlocked the studio.

In November, I finally accepted that my teacher would not be coming back from maternity leave in the near future, and I joined a different studio. It's not ideal—the early-morning classes are at a lower level than I'd prefer, and I don't love the M/W/F teacher as much as I loved my teacher in LA or my short-term teacher in the Bay—but it's a WHOLE lot better than not having a practice at all, which is where I'd ended up circa October. I played around a lot with different schedules at my new studio—going to the T/Th class and supplementing with a weekend class; trying out evening classes rather than morning ones—and I still haven't landed on something that will be my definite 2019 schedule. But I'm working on it. Which is a positive. A definite goal for the early part of this year is to settle on, and settle into, a regular practice in this regard.

Body

In other physicality-related news, 2018 was a more successful year. I set a goal of running 10K, although I didn't anticipate actually joining an official 10K run—but I did join one! I ran a practice 10K on my own to make sure I could finish, and then took part in the East Bay Pride Run, which (strangely) takes place in October rather than the more traditional Pride month of June. (Why? Who knows! Oakland has just generally decided to celebrate Pride in October, for some reason.) It was really fun, and broke down some hangups I had about joining formalized runs. I finished! I wasn't dead last! It was fine! I would totally do it again. In 2019 I'd like to work on getting my 10K time down, ideally to under an hour. I've been training on the gym treadmills, which help to set and maintain—and then gradually increase—very precise paces.

Another physicality-related goal I'd set for 2018 was to work up to a handstand away from the wall, and I haven't quite done that—I still practice every weeknight, and I can often balance away from the wall, but I still need the wall initially to get that balance. There's a place near my apartment that teaches circus arts—handstands, aerial, acro yoga and partner acro, all kinds of things that are like catnip to me—but I haven't yet made time to check them out. I really want to do this in 2019 but their schedule is challenging: they have zero morning classes, so I will have to make time to drive down there after work and do an evening class. This is possible! I did it when I was in LA. But it takes planning and initiative, and it's extra difficult because this school has so many different classes I'd like to take that it's hard to pin down which one to start with. (Also, OMG, I'm spending so much money on phys ed. classes, good grief. But better that than booze, I suppose.) I've made provisional plans to go to an Aerial Level 1 class in the evening next week. We'll see what happens.

Travel and Socializing

2018 held some real ups and down in this regard. In January-February I got to meet

oulfis in person, which was super lovely and something I hope to be able to repeat at some future point. In March my parents visited, and

greywash and I took them into the city and saw an amazing Robert Rauschenberg exhibit at SF MoMa; the day after that, we drove out to Point Reyes and the weather cleared up for EXACTLY as long as it took to walk out to the lighthouse and back, affording seriously breathtaking views. As soon as they left, Gins's parents visited and we got some quality time with them, so it was really a parentific month.

In late March, after my folks went home, my grandmother died. My grandmother was a challenging woman, and I struggled to know how to mourn her. At the same time, my planned trip to the east coast and back through Portland, was postponed due to a snow storm. That fortnight was really challenging.

In April Gins and I connected with

tiltedsyllogism when she was visiting the Bay Area, which was lovely. Also in April, we went to Davis with a friend of mine for the annual Wiener Dog Races, which were everything I could have dreamed of and more. I also had drinks around this time with

aphilologicalbatman, and that was lots of fun. In late April/early May I had a work event in Boston that I managed to extend to a DELIGHTFUL weekend in New York; I lodged with my childhood BFF who stayed up until 3am with me multiple nights, in one case quaffing rosé and catching up about our lives on her couch, and in another case dancing at the Stonewall Inn. (We also went to Williamsburg to see Ilana Glazer and Phoebe Robinson do standup. It was great.) I also got sick on that trip, but no matter.

In May I turned 37, met a new lover, and went to the queer circus as well as NT Live Macbeth. My godparents visited the Bay, and took Gins and I out to dinner at a place of our choosing (great paella). In June we saw JANELLE MONAE LIVE IN CONCERT which was freakin' amazing, holy shit. Also my cousin and her husband visited, and we grabbed brunch with them and took a nice walk around the lake. They have a tiny human they made; it's pretty wild. Later in June we went to Portland and Gins got to see the house where I grew up and also my parents' entire extended social network. Sadly, she got horrifically sick and didn't recover for several weeks, but before that happened it was a super special vacation. <3

In July my (other side of the family) cousin and her partner visited, and I had a great lunch with them, which was the first time we'd really connected as adults. Also in July, Gins and I took a kayaking class! Around here we also closed on the house, which requires a lot of work before we move in but is also extremely exciting! In August Gins & I vacationed in Fort Bragg, attempting to view the meteor showers (it was foggy, but the vacation was still fun). In October we went to Oakland Pride, I ran the 10K, I took my certification class for work, did a lot of pick-axing in the yard at the house, and finally made it to the Exploratorium in SF. Also in October, my childhood BFF, whom Gins had never met, visited SF and the three of us got to hang out. So that was amazing. Even if I was SUPER hung over the next day, wowwww.

In November California caught on fire. So we had to flee our home, first north, then south. All in all we were gone for 11 or 12 days. It sucked! I was not a fan. Although certainly, the many people who lost their lives and/or homes had it worse. There were some occasional silver linings for me personally, like the seaside walk where I saw whales breeching and got to pet some corgis; and our trip to the ultra-kitsch Madonna Inn, where we bonded with the barkeep and the took in the over-the-top decor. And in December, I got two weeks off! Meanwhile Gins and I celebrated the holidays with both our sets of parents, and then got sick (again!).

In 2019, I'm hoping to be more intentional about travel. I already have plans to fly back to Portland in February in order to visit my parents and also buy myself some new work clothes tax-free, since 90% of my office clothes are over 15 years old and getting (a) threadbare and (b) small on me. In March Gins and I have plans to see a hockey game in San Jose, and I also have plans to spend a weekend in San Diego visiting a friend and her fiancée. But I hope to look beyond the next three months, and make plans further afield. There's a potential international trip in the works, and another potential domestic one. Watch this space.

Money and House

My goal for 2018 was to end it debt-free. I started the year with about $7,000 of debt, due to various things related to the move from LA to the Bay, and over the course of the year I successfully stuck to my plan to pay it off. I am starting the year with a promotion and zero moving-related or credit-card debt. Go me.

Going into the new year, there's more to figure out:

greywash and I have some house-related finance stuff, and our goal is to move into our new place this summer, which will require a lot of work. I also want to meet with my family's money guy and formulate a retirement savings plan. I'd also like to look at my budget for philanthropic giving, and get more intentional about that. I'm not even really sure how much I'm currently giving away; I know I'm a sustaining member of any number of organizations, and subscribe to a number of Patreons, but I've never really sat down and added up what all my little monthly contributions add up to. I want to formulate a budget and then come up with an actual strategy for how to spend it.

So, you know. That's enough to be getting on with, I think. Culled from the above, goals are: