And how else do we enjoy things, really

[breathedout]

Today at brunch, after I assured our rather attentive waiter that there really was nothing else he could do for me today, greywash said she gets a kick out of it when dudes put the moves on me when we're out at a restaurant.

Me: It seems like there have been a LOT of them lately!
Her, cackling: Yeah! I really enjoy it.
Me: In what way, exactly?
Her, gesturing expansively: Just.............. narratively?

I mean! How else could I have expected her to answer? I am disappointed in myself for even needing to ask. <3 <3

In the spirit of which, here's a funny story: last night I was drinking, watching The Magicians with greywash, and texting a friend about logistics for an upcoming weekend trip I'm taking to visit her. My friend was saying she and her fiancée are really enjoying the wedding planning process, creating a ritual that will be meaningful for them and their community. "Yes," I texted back. "[Ex] and I enjoyed crafting ours too." Except fucking autocorrect changed "ours" to "lies." So what I, already on record as an anti-matrimony curmudgeon divorcée and aficionada of fictional untruth, actually said was: "[Ex] and I enjoyed crafting lies too."

THEN, right as I hit send something critical happened on TV (for "something critical," read, probably: Eliot and Quentin were having a cuddle). So I looked away from my phone for 2-3 minutes, during the whole of which my friend was like "... ????? the actual fuck, man," before I finally realized what had happened and vociferously apologized.

Anyway. Please narratively enjoy this anecdote of how I inadvertently acted like even more of an asshole than I actually, in real life, am.

Comments

[greywash]

this will forever and ever be the greatest story. just. the greatest.

[breathedout]

Like at this point if I'm mad about anything it's that I'll never intentionally achieve Megabitch: Empress Level with the same elegance that Autocorrect managed for me with a single word change

[teaforlupin]

OH MY GOD

[breathedout]

I KNOW D-:

[sciatrix]

The last time my birthday rolled around, T and I went out for sushi. Just the two of us, which is nice--normally we've got at least one roommate tagging along for that sort of thing.

Now, for context, I am the short kind of pudgy one who tends to buzz her entire head down to a #3 every few months when I remember and dresses almost entirely in t-shirts and jeans of varying levels of ill fit; T, for contrast, generally presents as an edgy alt chick with (at the time) approximately the same hair as Sokka and a lot more, ah, responsiveness to flirting.

Also for context, T is the sort of person who is put together enough to not have lost their wedding ring at some point in the preceding few months.

The waiter spent the entire night< hitting on me as I obliviously went "why the fuck won't he go away," to the point that T says the kitchen staff attempted to haul him away to leave us alone.

Towards the end of the evening, they gently pointed out to me what was happening, and I spent the rest of the night gibbering and resolving to buy a new ring, dammit. T didn't stop laughing all week.

which is to say: oh boy, do I feel you. <3

[breathedout]

Ahahahaha wowwwwwwwww, and also yikes. Also, as a fellow loser-of-wedding-rings, I empathize!

[runpunkrun]

That is an amazing autocorrect disaster.

[breathedout]

I am seriously still laughing about it a day and a half later.

[chestnut_pod]

Hahaha, oh noooooo. I'm glad you managed to recover. Somewhat sad that Autocorrect has managed, with the change of one word, to be snarkier than I will ever manage intentionally.

[breathedout]

SAME!! It's a level of snark I wouldn't have even thought to aspire to, and now I will never recapture it. LOL.

[sarahthecoat]

lol indeed, but, strangely applicable. :D Thank goodness it's all well in the past now.

[fennishjournal]

This is AMAZING!

[clarasteam]

oh good grief

*saucer-eyed*

[sylvaine]

Ahahahahahaha oh nooooo xD

[breathedout]

I'm very impressed that you had this perfect icon just waiting for its time to shine!

[sylvaine]

Hee! I do so enjoy having the perfect icon for situations like these. xD

[little_brisk]

I am very proud to be your friend, is all.

[breathedout]

<3 <3

[virtual_particle]

This is magnificent. For many reasons.

And I know I can’t put “anti-matrimony curmudgeon” on my resume, but boy do I wish I could. #accurate
What a delightful phrase.

[breathedout]

One does sort of wish there were more career opportunities in the anti-matrimony curmudgeon market, doesn't one?

Sadly

[jesse_the_k]

Divorce planner isn't in the Federal "Occupational Employment Statistics"

Re: Sadly

[breathedout]

TRAGICALLY.

[starshipfox]

I feel like that was an appropriate response to the text tbh. I say this as someone who is happily gay married, but crafting a wedding is basically crafting some nice lies.

What TV show are you watching?? I want to see Eliot and Quentin having a cuddle. Sounds nice.

[breathedout]

We are watching The Magicians, which fandom greywash has fallen into hard, so I finally said you know what, I should watch it too. It's not really my thing—fantasy world-building generally strikes me as over-complex for the payoff, and remembering a bunch of rules about what magic can & can't do & how it works in this particular universe isn't my readerly forte & generally just kind of bores me. Plus the show has a lot of gore and body horror that I'm not wild about. But greywash loves it because of the character dynamics, in particular the depictions of liminal queer relationships, and also the depictions of characters living with mental illness, and I agree that it does a sort of shockingly good job in those regards. Plus, since this is her like fourth re-watch, she can answer all my plot-related questions (thus far about 1/3 "It's a legit plot hole" and 2/3 "Breathedout forgot a key event from eight episodes ago"), and tell me when something repulsive is about to happen onscreen so I can look away. So overall it's working out pretty well!

ETA: I agree about the role of crafted lies in a wedding ceremony, but I think my friend is a bit too much of a dewey-eyed romantic to embrace that level of philosophical pragmatism.

[starshipfox]

This comment sold "The Magicians" to me pretty hard, even if that wasn't necessarily what you were trying to do. The only aspect that doesn't appeal is the gore, but I'm happy to get immersed in weird magic rules, plus liminal queer relationships and mental illness. I'll look it up! :)

[breathedout]

I hope you enjoy! It's also quite funny in parts, which is something I forgot to mention. And the cinematography is very pretty.

[juushika]

TBH still stuck on "just ... narratively?" because you know what, this is also how I process the vast majority of my absolutely real-life experiences, and it's part coping mechanism and part b/c I media too much, and it absolutely also operates in jest, and yet #same, as they say.

[breathedout]

LOL yes. Honestly sometimes I meet a person who doesn't have that layer of ironic-aesthetic distance that comes with viewing your life in narrative terms, and I find it very difficult to relate to them.