If I have to tear back, literally so what.

[breathedout]

I'm currently feeling overwhelmed by a sense of Too Many Projects on all fronts. I think the time has come to regroup.

• Writing-wise I am normally a pretty monogamous worker, especially this far removed from my fall break for exchanges. Not so right now, when I've got (a) my untitled Tahani/Eleanor bodyswap story (~11k written, maybe a little less than that left to go; (b) the Passchendaele ficlet cycle, of which I've written 7 out of 15; (c) the huge Passchendaele novel, for which those ficlets are exercises (~12k written, potential complete restructuring in process); and (d) a one-off "lady con artists con each other" Magicians story for this little mini-fest greywash is running. (Which: btw: if you watch this show you should get in on the action, too: it's an appealing concept for a fest and the female Magicians characters don't get enough love).



• I am actively reading EIGHT BOOKS right now (down from nine this weekend), in addition to a whole folder of scholarly articles on various Canada-related subjects, which is just. Far too many. I'm cool with having three or four books going at one time, but not twice that. I finished two over the weekend but then started another one due to an impending library due date with multiple people waiting for my copy, and like. Libby is cool and all but she should serve me, not the other way around.



• I even have multiple unfinished knitting projects, which is just silly considering how much I (don't) knit these days: my Divide Pullover is two seams away from completion, and the Peabody Sweater just needs the second half of the second sleeve, plus finishing.

I know many people thrive in an atmosphere of juggling many projects at once, and man, more power to them. But for me it detracts from my ability to enjoy or indeed engage properly with any of the projects, if I have too many. So that's a drag. And a drag that I should see about correcting.

Having been to this rodeo a number of times at this point, I'm also aware of why it tends to happen, which is usually that I'm avoiding something. For example, the issue with the knitting is a suspicion that the armscyes as written on the Divide pullover are going to be too small when finished, and that I'll need to rip out the seams and brainstorm a solution. This is. SO not a big deal. A solution will be EXTREMELY EASY to come up with. If I have to rip out seams or tear back and reshape shoulders, literally so what. I was a knitwear designer; this is not hard.

In the case of the intertwined reading and writing overloads, the point of avoidance is this big question about my WWI Canadian novel project: am I going to stick with a single POV (Rebecca) or add another narrative thread and POV character (Emma)? If I'm sticking with a single POV in the novel I'd originally planned, am I, additionally, planning a second, Emma-focused novel? (If I'm neither adding an Emma thread to the current novel nor planning an Emma-focused one, I need to stop compulsively ordering all these books for research.) I've been avoiding answering this question because it's big and challenging, and there are compelling points to be made on all sides. Adding the Emma thread would solve or mitigate some issues I'd already been avoiding with the Rebecca-only version of the outline, but it of course brings up other challenges. It's possible I'll make an entire post (or multiple posts!) about this at a later date, but whether or not I post about the process publicly I really just need to dive in: start making pro/con lists, take a Scrivener snapshot of the current outline and then take a stab at dismantling it and making an alternate one with the two POV threads that I can compare to the snapshotted version, talk it out with greywash, see how it plays. Whichever way I swing, more research will be necessary, but I can feel that I've reached a point in the road where I need that process to be more directed. So. Up to me to direct it.

I think I also just need to return some books to the library unread, and focus on finishing—or finishing-for-my-purposes, in the case of stuff I'm reading for research—the ones I'm currently working on. But for the most part I suspect that the reading portion of this issue will resolve itself when I stop avoiding the writing piece.

In that spirit, goals for March:

• Drag out the Divide Pullover and assess what needs to get done on it in order to finish
• Plan & write Marina/Zelda story (since this one has a deadline)
• Snapshot current Passchendaele outline and play with altering it to add an Emma thread
• Get currently-reading list to 4 books or under, and library holds list to 3 or under.

Fare forward, traveler!

Comments

[thatyourefuse]

(Not really related: I have gone how long without there being a single active fandom in my social circle with a Zelda in it, and suddenly two at once. It's very odd.)

[breathedout]

LOL seriously, what are the odds?!

[greywash]

*POMPOMS!!!*

[breathedout]

<3 <3 Thank youuu

[anarfea]

It sounds like you need to pare back. I can't imagine that many projects. I seriously need to frog some knitting projects I know I'm never going to finish.

[breathedout]

Yeah I have a few abortive projects that still need to be frogged, too; those are so far off my radar at this point that they're no longer even contributing to my stress, LOL. But yes. Paring back. That's the goal.

[clarasteam]

*cheers you on*

that sounds like a lot to be juggling!

[breathedout]

Thanks! Hopefully I can pare down a bit in the next few weeks.

[donut_donut]

Oof, I can't even imagine trying to do all that.

Interesting how similar knitting and writing can be, in terms of having to tear stuff apart when it isn't working and then reassemble. (though I say this as someone who has never knitted, so the analogy may be off...)

[breathedout]

LOL well you do also have kids, which is a time requirement I'm not facing. Still, though. Not ideal.

And yes, knitting, sewing, writing... my mom, who was a dressmaker before she joined the corporate rat race, told me when she was teaching me to sew that the time spent ripping back in a project shouldn't be viewed as moving backward but just as part of moving forward that just hadn't been foreseen. It's all part of the process. I think about that a lot, with whatever creative thing I'm doing.

[donut_donut]

LOL well you do also have kids, which is a time requirement I'm not facing.

True! But even before I had kids, I avoided working on multiple projects wherever possible. I have on occasion had two long-form works of writing going at the same time, but when there was no other option. I never read more than one book at a time, and honestly sometimes I find it hard to read at all when I am writing a book (which is always, so that's bad, haha). But much respect to those who can keep lots of irons in the fire!

the time spent ripping back in a project shouldn't be viewed as moving backward but just as part of moving forward that just hadn't been foreseen.

omg this sounds *eerily* like what I try to tell myself when I tearing up my drafts during revision. sometimes, though, like today... when I found a draft of my current chapter from 2013 and it was better than the stuff I've been working on lately, it is hard to believe it. Like ugh, am I actually going backwards??? blah.

[breathedout]

Oh, yeah, I totally hear you; it's difficult for me to really believe I'm not going backward sometimes (a lot of the time), too.

For a long time after I started writing fiction again (and also, not coincidentally, got divorced) I was totally unable to read books other than fanfic, especially novels. I'm glad that's no longer the case because it felt like a kind of foundational rupture; reading has always been such an important practice for me, in how I relate to myself & the world. And not that fanfic's not "real writing" or whatever, but I did miss reading more widely in the original fiction world. So I'm glad that I've been able to start reintegrating it into my day-to-day life over the past few years. That said, it's possible for the balance to skew in the other direction, and plainly I need to rein it in!

[donut_donut]

Oh, that's good to hear. I read a ton in grad school but recently I've hardly read anything. I had this plan to finish my courtesan novel while Edna was an infant, then sell it fast and take a hiatus from writing for a couple of years while I dealt with babies. Whatever free time I had, I'd devote to catching up on my reading.

But then I finished my draft and my agent said it needed more work and... Here I am! Half an hour a day goes to writing, and I don't have much time for anything else, except reading whatever flotsam the internet throws at me that I can skim on my phone... Fanfic and hot takes and reviews, mostly.

[chestnut_pod]

SO very busy! I wish you luck and peace of mind getting it to simmer down.

The tyranny of Libby is real… Although, as of like a week ago, you're now allowed to have different actions attached to the same book at different libraries, so if you felt like putting a hold on a given book at a different library than the one that is currently checking it out to you, you could do that simultaneously.

[breathedout]

Oho, that is good information on Libby, thank you! The last time I tried to do that they weren't allowing it yet; good to know it's changed. Do you happen to know whether, if you return it at one library and check it out at another, it will still remember where you left off, your annotations, etc.?

(And thanks for the good luck wishes!)

[chestnut_pod]

I'm afraid I don't know that, sorry! Hopefully?

[sylvaine]

This is definitely too many things at once. *hugs* good luck getting that back under control!

[breathedout]

Thank you! The well wishes are very welcome. :-)

[starshipfox]

I've got super into The Magicians since you first brought it up -- but I don't think I've seen enough to participate in that fest. I definitely have some feelings about the Magicians women and femslash ships though. :)

I didn't realise you were such an accomplished knitter! Good luck with finishing up your projects. I hate the finishing part the most, and have had cardigans without a button band lying around for years at a time.

[breathedout]

Oh I'm glad you're enjoying The Magicians! I thought about that conversation we had a few days later, when someone (I forget who) sold me on a book with their negative review of it. Up the subjectivity of art!

Thanks for the well wishes on paring down. (And yes, in a past life I had a knitwear design business, which is how I learned that I hate mixing creativity with "the market.") I actually don't mind finishing at all, which makes this whole hangup about my current project that much more frustrating. :-P

[starshipfox]

Yes! I love the subjectivity of art, although I find it hard, now, to say that something is bad. I was trying to read the recent booker-prize winner The Milkman and I hated it, but like. It wasn't bad. It just wasn't for me. Of course there is a lot of bad art out there, but there's also a lot of stuff that's only terrible if you're the wrong reader of it.

[pennypaperbrain]

I have wondered about your fantastic juggling of activities on the basis of your posts. I thought the denizens of Casa Greybbo were just THAT good.

But if you are only mortal, and trying to do a job and yoga and young ladies at the same time, I can see how it would potentially kill you.

How importunate is Emma? If Emma is jumping up and down in your head and shouting at you, then surely she is necessary right now. Otherwise, not.

[breathedout]

OMG, she (Emma) has completely taken over my writing brain, or I wouldn't even be considering tearing apart my current outline. I keep thinking about her & realizing new things about her in the midst of staff meetings, or while driving to yoga. I now have a whole collection of post-it notes & other scrap paper on which I've scrawled Emma-related notes to myself when I've been away from my computer. She feels extremely necessary, but my big question is whether her story is necessary specifically in conjunction with Rebecca's, or whether they ought to be separate. And on that I could really go either way, so I need to get further into the weeds on it.

And LOL, yeah I guess we do a lot? I look at people who have jobs, creative practices, and KIDS, and feel like, what am I complaining about? But of course everyone is different, & if it feels like too much then it is too much.

[pennypaperbrain]

Sounds like if you don't give that character everything she wants, she's going to eat your brain.

I guess I think of novel-length hhbo narratives as having at least dual lead characters. But then this is not an hbbo narrative; it's a ['realname'] narrative.