If I have to tear back, literally so what.
Mar. 5th, 2019 02:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
breathedoutI'm currently feeling overwhelmed by a sense of Too Many Projects on all fronts. I think the time has come to regroup.
I know many people thrive in an atmosphere of juggling many projects at once, and man, more power to them. But for me it detracts from my ability to enjoy or indeed engage properly with any of the projects, if I have too many. So that's a drag. And a drag that I should see about correcting.
Having been to this rodeo a number of times at this point, I'm also aware of why it tends to happen, which is usually that I'm avoiding something. For example, the issue with the knitting is a suspicion that the armscyes as written on the Divide pullover are going to be too small when finished, and that I'll need to rip out the seams and brainstorm a solution. This is. SO not a big deal. A solution will be EXTREMELY EASY to come up with. If I have to rip out seams or tear back and reshape shoulders, literally so what. I was a knitwear designer; this is not hard.
In the case of the intertwined reading and writing overloads, the point of avoidance is this big question about my WWI Canadian novel project: am I going to stick with a single POV (Rebecca) or add another narrative thread and POV character (Emma)? If I'm sticking with a single POV in the novel I'd originally planned, am I, additionally, planning a second, Emma-focused novel? (If I'm neither adding an Emma thread to the current novel nor planning an Emma-focused one, I need to stop compulsively ordering all these books for research.) I've been avoiding answering this question because it's big and challenging, and there are compelling points to be made on all sides. Adding the Emma thread would solve or mitigate some issues I'd already been avoiding with the Rebecca-only version of the outline, but it of course brings up other challenges. It's possible I'll make an entire post (or multiple posts!) about this at a later date, but whether or not I post about the process publicly I really just need to dive in: start making pro/con lists, take a Scrivener snapshot of the current outline and then take a stab at dismantling it and making an alternate one with the two POV threads that I can compare to the snapshotted version, talk it out withgreywash, see how it plays. Whichever way I swing, more research will be necessary, but I can feel that I've reached a point in the road where I need that process to be more directed. So. Up to me to direct it.
I think I also just need to return some books to the library unread, and focus on finishing—or finishing-for-my-purposes, in the case of stuff I'm reading for research—the ones I'm currently working on. But for the most part I suspect that the reading portion of this issue will resolve itself when I stop avoiding the writing piece.
In that spirit, goals for March:
Fare forward, traveler!
- Writing-wise I am normally a pretty monogamous worker, especially this far removed from my fall break for exchanges. Not so right now, when I've got (a) my untitled Tahani/Eleanor bodyswap story (~11k written, maybe a little less than that left to go; (b) the Passchendaele ficlet cycle, of which I've written 7 out of 15; (c) the huge Passchendaele novel, for which those ficlets are exercises (~12k written, potential complete restructuring in process); and (d) a one-off "lady con artists con each other" Magicians story for this little mini-fest greywash is running. (Which: btw: if you watch this show you should get in on the action, too: it's an appealing concept for a fest and the female Magicians characters don't get enough love).
- I am actively reading EIGHT BOOKS right now (down from nine this weekend), in addition to a whole folder of scholarly articles on various Canada-related subjects, which is just. Far too many. I'm cool with having three or four books going at one time, but not twice that. I finished two over the weekend but then started another one due to an impending library due date with multiple people waiting for my copy, and like. Libby is cool and all but she should serve me, not the other way around.
- I even have multiple unfinished knitting projects, which is just silly considering how much I (don't) knit these days: my Divide Pullover is two seams away from completion, and the Peabody Sweater just needs the second half of the second sleeve, plus finishing.
I know many people thrive in an atmosphere of juggling many projects at once, and man, more power to them. But for me it detracts from my ability to enjoy or indeed engage properly with any of the projects, if I have too many. So that's a drag. And a drag that I should see about correcting.
Having been to this rodeo a number of times at this point, I'm also aware of why it tends to happen, which is usually that I'm avoiding something. For example, the issue with the knitting is a suspicion that the armscyes as written on the Divide pullover are going to be too small when finished, and that I'll need to rip out the seams and brainstorm a solution. This is. SO not a big deal. A solution will be EXTREMELY EASY to come up with. If I have to rip out seams or tear back and reshape shoulders, literally so what. I was a knitwear designer; this is not hard.
In the case of the intertwined reading and writing overloads, the point of avoidance is this big question about my WWI Canadian novel project: am I going to stick with a single POV (Rebecca) or add another narrative thread and POV character (Emma)? If I'm sticking with a single POV in the novel I'd originally planned, am I, additionally, planning a second, Emma-focused novel? (If I'm neither adding an Emma thread to the current novel nor planning an Emma-focused one, I need to stop compulsively ordering all these books for research.) I've been avoiding answering this question because it's big and challenging, and there are compelling points to be made on all sides. Adding the Emma thread would solve or mitigate some issues I'd already been avoiding with the Rebecca-only version of the outline, but it of course brings up other challenges. It's possible I'll make an entire post (or multiple posts!) about this at a later date, but whether or not I post about the process publicly I really just need to dive in: start making pro/con lists, take a Scrivener snapshot of the current outline and then take a stab at dismantling it and making an alternate one with the two POV threads that I can compare to the snapshotted version, talk it out with
greywash, see how it plays. Whichever way I swing, more research will be necessary, but I can feel that I've reached a point in the road where I need that process to be more directed. So. Up to me to direct it. I think I also just need to return some books to the library unread, and focus on finishing—or finishing-for-my-purposes, in the case of stuff I'm reading for research—the ones I'm currently working on. But for the most part I suspect that the reading portion of this issue will resolve itself when I stop avoiding the writing piece.
In that spirit, goals for March:
- Drag out the Divide Pullover and assess what needs to get done on it in order to finish
- Plan & write Marina/Zelda story (since this one has a deadline)
- Snapshot current Passchendaele outline and play with altering it to add an Emma thread
- Get currently-reading list to 4 books or under, and library holds list to 3 or under.
Fare forward, traveler!
no subject
Date: 2019-03-05 11:14 pm (UTC)Interesting how similar knitting and writing can be, in terms of having to tear stuff apart when it isn't working and then reassemble. (though I say this as someone who has never knitted, so the analogy may be off...)
no subject
Date: 2019-03-06 06:57 pm (UTC)And yes, knitting, sewing, writing... my mom, who was a dressmaker before she joined the corporate rat race, told me when she was teaching me to sew that the time spent ripping back in a project shouldn't be viewed as moving backward but just as part of moving forward that just hadn't been foreseen. It's all part of the process. I think about that a lot, with whatever creative thing I'm doing.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-07 01:01 am (UTC)True! But even before I had kids, I avoided working on multiple projects wherever possible. I have on occasion had two long-form works of writing going at the same time, but when there was no other option. I never read more than one book at a time, and honestly sometimes I find it hard to read at all when I am writing a book (which is always, so that's bad, haha). But much respect to those who can keep lots of irons in the fire!
the time spent ripping back in a project shouldn't be viewed as moving backward but just as part of moving forward that just hadn't been foreseen.
omg this sounds *eerily* like what I try to tell myself when I tearing up my drafts during revision. sometimes, though, like today... when I found a draft of my current chapter from 2013 and it was better than the stuff I've been working on lately, it is hard to believe it. Like ugh, am I actually going backwards??? blah.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-07 06:32 pm (UTC)For a long time after I started writing fiction again (and also, not coincidentally, got divorced) I was totally unable to read books other than fanfic, especially novels. I'm glad that's no longer the case because it felt like a kind of foundational rupture; reading has always been such an important practice for me, in how I relate to myself & the world. And not that fanfic's not "real writing" or whatever, but I did miss reading more widely in the original fiction world. So I'm glad that I've been able to start reintegrating it into my day-to-day life over the past few years. That said, it's possible for the balance to skew in the other direction, and plainly I need to rein it in!
no subject
Date: 2019-03-07 08:29 pm (UTC)But then I finished my draft and my agent said it needed more work and... Here I am! Half an hour a day goes to writing, and I don't have much time for anything else, except reading whatever flotsam the internet throws at me that I can skim on my phone... Fanfic and hot takes and reviews, mostly.